Thursday, July 26, 2007

How to be a Black hipster or just a hipster in general...

You too can be cooler than all of your friends... just follow my handy dandy guide to 'hipsterdom'.

The New York Times came up with the word 'blipster', which is what they called a Black hipster, and apparently they're on the rise. And even though this might be a little late, I still think it could be of some help to you guys.

So without further ado...

1. One of the most important parts of being a hipster is the hair. Your hair is one of the first things people notice about you, so to be a Black hipster, you've gotta do something different with yours. The mohawk is one way to go, but its a little played now as even Diddy had one. Some other ways to go would be dyeing it a random color (especially good for girls) shaving various parts and leaving other parts unshaved or anything asymmetrical (also good for girls). Mixing various styles (like Kele from Bloc Party above)is good too. This all shows that you don't really care what others think, and that you're above the norm, which is really important in being a hipster.

2. Clothing is another big aspect of being a hipster. One of the defining characteristics of being hip is skinny jeans. The skinnier and tighter the better. I would recommend the Levis shrink-to-fit raw denim jeans as you can tailor those to your needs. The best way to go about getting your jeans skinny would be to sit in a tub of hot water with them on... then you can ensure that you'll never be able to have kids again. (If your closest girl friend can fit in them easily, then they aren't tight enough... so try again.)

You will also need to find things from your childhood fads that didn't make it, i.e. Starter caps, flannel, etc. Basically anything you can play off as being ironic is key. And don't forget those accessories. You'll need some black rimmed glasses a la Malcolm X or Drew Carey,
and for girls, mismatched earrings are a must. Even a big chain or a multi fingered ring. One of those head covers that you usually only see Arabs wearing in the desert is also a plus, except wear it like you're a bandit. That's big.

What about your feet you ask? Well I've got you covered there too.
I would recommend some Vans or Chucks. But you can't wear them all fresh and clean... throw them around in the dirt a little or buy the ones that look really used, but are really expensive.

The most important thing with clothing is that whatever you do... Don't MATCH! I cannot stress this enough. You will be mocked and scoffed if you do.

3. Music is another way to define yourself as a hipster. Basically all you wanna do is listen to any 'alternative' or 'underground' rock and/or rap that you can find. Preferably anything your non hipster friends don't know. And the more 'emo' it is, the better. (If you don't know what emo is, just look for the guys with the asymmetrical hair cuts and black eye liner.) Also, liking the Ramones (or acting like you do) is a huge plus.

4. This step is not quite necessary, but if you want the image to be complete I would recommend it. Buy a skateboard. You don't have to know how to skate (it would help however), but you've got to look like you could. (If your jeans are tight enough, it will probably be hard to skate well anyway.) This shows that you're in touch with your alternative side and that you're a rebel and different... so what if every 13 year old skates now.

5. Lastly, and this is probably the most important step. You must develop an attitude that shows that you don't care about much, and that you're too cool to be bothered with anything that isn't about being cool or different. But you have to do this while acting like you aren't doing it. (Often looking into the distance is a good way to do it) Sorta Like these guys:

Well thats basically it, I hope that this helped and I wish you all the best of luck in your future hip endeavors.

And because I'm so hip... I don't actually care if you liked this or not.

(Australia recap and stories coming soon)

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Bienvenidos a Miami... Pt. 2

So I went to Miami... and had a pretty good time, for the most part. It's an interesting place... lots of sexy women, sexy cars, boobies, but hot and humid as the devil's taint. I mean damn...
I would walk outside and it reminded me of those old sweatbox parties from college... my glasses would immediately fog up.

Anyway, I went down for a birthday celebration, and did some celebrating. My girl from way back turned 25 and the group (me and 3 girls... I know) was determined to do it big. After the drive from Orlando to Miami (where we heard "Bartender" and "Ay Bay Bay" like 20 times), we proceded to go out and do the damn thing.

We made our way to a 20 dollar all you can drink "club" (was definitely a bar with a living room)... and some other spot... and took full advantage... almost getting into a fight/shot
(partly cause the ladies I was with cursed and pushed this guy), by some dude who thought he was hard cause he was from Brooklyn and his wife. May be the most unattractive couple this side of Amy Winehouse and whoever she's with, but that's neither here nor there.

This was also the point where my girl cursed me out... and I let it slide. (It was her birthday and all) We left fairly early and on
our way back we ran into this guy: James Brown's son and Mike Tyson's cousin... or at least thats who he said he was.

On the way back, I learned that "I need to open the window" actually means, "I've actually already thrown up all over myself and don't need the window open."
So that was good times...

The next day was the beach... and I learned that apparently it was
also a nude beach... (That's actually a topless woman right there... about 7 feet away from me)

And then there was the woman with gigantic fake boobies... yea... and there were kids all over the place... I guess Europeans don't believe in discretion. Enjoy...

After leaving the beach, I got to hit up the M.I.A. skate shop, which is really all I wanted to do and got some new SB's...

We then attempted to go to Bed (Some big time club). After waiting in line for like 20 mins and sweating my balls off, (I looked like Shaka Zulu would look had someone put him in a button down and slacks... hot and sweaty like a mug sans spear), we didn't go in cause of some shadiness with the funds and the door. This was after the ladies were being "harassed" by a gentleman that had apparently been kicked out of a couple clubs that weekend.

We left the line, and walked down the strip... apparently in the wrong direction for about 15 mins... before we turned around and made our way to Wet Willie's (a Miami landmark) and had some 'Call-A-Cabs'.

All in all a great weekend.

This pretty much sums up Miami... sexy, sleek, and flashy. It was prolly rented... which would make it like the fake boobies and even more Miami... not quite the owner's.

Monday, July 09, 2007

Bienvenidos a Miami... Pt. 1

In honor of my recent trip to Miami... I decided to do a quick PSA regarding Florida's finest R&B superstar... T-Pain.

Just in case anyone still had any questions as to whether or not the boy can sing... I provide you with the following video. Enjoy.

This is not to say that I don't secretly enjoy the boy Theodore Pain, and even though I heard 'Bartender' like 30 times in the couple of days that I was in Miami... We definitely wilded out every time it came on. But he can't sing worth a damn.... and he knows it. Its great.

Anyway... the full Miami recap with pics of fake boobies is soon to come.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

As a diehard Bullets fan...

I would be remiss if I didn't post a little something about our first round draft pick, Nick Young. Besides being ridiculously athletic, (check out the dunk below), he seems like a pretty decent kid.

Apparently his older brother was killed in a drive by, by a 14 year old when Nick was 5 and has just gone through a bunch of stuff which sadly has become typical for many young Black males today. But throughout everything he has gone through, he seems to have done alright for himself and his family. (They nicknamed him the "chosen one", so he had a lot to live up to)

There is a documentary that was made about his struggles/eventual success, and the Washington Post did a nice little piece about it... check it out.(
I'm hoping it'll come out around here soon.)

And now the dunk... I get goosebumps thinking about him and Gil on the court at the same time...

He's already said that he can't wait to catch oops from Gil and that he'll be in the dunk contest.

I'm excited.