Monday, October 30, 2006

The Adventures of Agent Zero...

Gilbert Arenas a.k.a. Agent Zero, probably my favorite Wizard/Bullet since Chris Webber, has had the quite the interesting life (abandoned by his mom, lived with his father in their car, etc.). Besides being one of the quirkiest athletes around these days, he just seems like a cool guy. But, in a recent Washington Post article, I learned that Gil essentially dodged his baby's mother (with the help of the Wizards) for fear of being served with a paternity suit on national television:

"Arenas was advised by his attorney to avoid being served a subpoena in the state at all costs, noting that he could suffer a severe personal loss of wealth because of California laws governing paternity and child support.

Arenas said Wizards owner Abe Pollin agreed. "Abe Pollin was like, 'This can't happen,'" Arenas said.

The team concocted a story: Arenas had the flu. "I called my teammates. They said: 'Don't worry. We're going to win this game. We'll meet you on the plane.' " Arenas watched on television in his hotel room as the Wizards beat the Kings without him. The team spent the night in Sacramento, but Arenas flew to Houston with at least two teammates, he said.

The Wizards did not deny the episode. When asked about it last week, the team issued a statement by Pollin. "We're proud of Gilbert as a player and as a person," he said. "He has overcome a great deal in his life, he has exceeded most people's expectations, and he has become an integral part of the Washington, D.C., community. Most importantly, Gilbert is a member of our family, just as everyone is that works for me."

What began as a lovers' spat morphed into a cross-country, cat-and-mouse game in which the Wizards' star hid in hotel rooms under aliases to avoid being served in person. The entire Wizards organization played its part to keep the matter out of the public eye."

This just seems a bit crazy to me... and its not that Gil was trying to avoid taking care of his kid, cause that wasn't the case. (He actually bought a house for his daughter and her mom in VA) I'm just amazed that the team did this for him. Although, I do understand that it would have been really bad press for the team, had they served him with papers at the free throw line of a game like they wanted to.
But still... I wonder how many teams do stuff like this for their players all the time. And what else do they do for their players? Hide bodies? Pay off dope men? Provide safe houses? I guess when you're the face of the organization, they'll do whatever it takes... I guess Shawn Kemp wasn't good enough to get the same treatment?

On another note...So everyone knows that Oprah gives out tons of ridiculous gifts to the people that happen to be lucky enough to make it to her audience. But her most recent big gift, kinda caught my attention a little. (Not that I watch the show or anything, being that I'm not a middle aged White woman and such) In what she is calling her most favorite giveaway ever, Oprah is giving away $1000 debit cards... Sounds good so far... but there's a catch: you can't keep the money!?!? The fans lucky enough to be on this particular show must donate the money to a charity (not family).

I have no problems donating money and I think it's an interesting idea, but if I'm getting a gift, I'd like to be able to keep it personally and do what I like with it. It just seems a bit odd to me. I guess it's another example of Oprah doing whatever it is she feels like doing. Oh yea, and in addition to the debit card, which they can't keep, they get a DVD player... cause you can't get one of those for free for signing up for a magazine subscription or anything.

This all sounds very similar to the Seinfeld episode... "A donation has been made in your name to the 'People Fund'."

And if you like the color beige... check out Oprah's site. Beige... the color of middle aged woman everywhere.

And lastly, just in case you needed it... another, extremely sad reason why "Chicken Noodle Soup" marks the end times of our society... Please note that the "artists" behind the "song" just signed a deal for $1.7 mil. They teach kids that cooning is cool, and all I do is teach kids English... just let that sink in...

Monday, October 23, 2006

Just Been Shot? Put Out an Album

If you've ever really considered becoming a famous rapper, the first thing I would recommend would be that you get shot. I know it seems drastic and extreme, but it doesn't have to be somewhere that would cause you long lasting physical damage, but anything that can put you in the hospital for at least a night or so would be ideal. Then you can have a press conference afterwards where you make statements about how they can't hold you down, or how some
rival rapper, drug dealer, or just general hater doesn't want to see you shine. Then when all is said and done, you announce that you're moving up the date of your album like this guy... Poor Choice F-A-B-O-L-O-U-S...
How ass backwards is our culture, where getting shot and being arrested makes everyone automatically see dollar signs?

On a more humorous note... this is one of the funniest things I've heard in a while. How ridiculous is this? "Dipskate"? Are you serious Jim Jones? I for one would pay a lot of money to see Jim Jones on a skateboard. I would probably pee myself a little bit actually.

If you sit next to Snoop and doze off on his shoulder... he might hit you with a stick. Guess he really doesn't play when he leaves the comfort of the West Coast. (How great is that picture? Snoop and The Captain... wow)

And maybe Foxy missed her court date cause she couldn't hear the judge? I know... too soon. But it's the first thing I thought... does that make me a bad person?

Grab your cups of ice! Honestly, I'm not really sure what to say about this... He still scares me though.

Lastly... on a softer note... I love the new John Legend song/video... just makes me happy. Enjoy.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Rich People are Stupid...

And this proves it... Yes, that does say "bling h2o"... Take a second and let that sink in. Besides the obviously upsetting issue that the word "bling" has been way too over used and is now considered legitimate (thank you Lil' Wayne), this might be the most asinine thing I've ever heard of. So what makes this water special you ask? Well the bottle is covered with Swarovski crystals and costs about 56 dollars a bottle. Do crystals make water taste better? I don't know, with me being poor and all, but I do know that Paris Hilton apparently gives her annoying little dog this water... I'm just confused and a bit angry.

Speaking of crystals, exorbitance, and rich people... if you, like me were wondering what the new over-priced, hood-rich drink endorsed by your favorite rapper is now that Cristal is done... well I've got your answer. It's called Armand de Brignac (sexy bottle actually) also known as the "Ace of Spades". Jay-Z shows off his new drink in the new video to that new song that sounds a lot like that other older song... if you need to ask how much the champagne is, you don't need it.

Ice T has a new album coming out... here is the cover... I'm speechless. Not really sure how you're going to sell that one at Wal-Mart.

Did Fabolous and his crew really jack Sebastian Telfair for his 50,000 dollar chain? And did Fab really shoot himself in the leg? And does this make him as wack as I thought he always was? None of this has anything to do with the fact he sucks because he has some kids thinking that's how you spell "fabulous"... Jackass.

And lastly, I have yet to comment on my Redskins in this blog, because I get sad and start to cry when I think of them. I actually think my soul has developed ulcers because of them... But its about time. I think the Redskins season can best be summed up by a conversation with my roommate: When he found out that the Skins were 10 pt favorites over the then winless Titans, he was incredulous, and extremely upset that he didn't take the points. He actually said he would have been willing to put his entire paycheck on the fact that there was no way that the Skins would be able to cover... Ouch.
And in the same vein... now we know why Heath Shuler sucked ass...

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Vampires and White men are easy...


Taxes? That's another story all together... Apparently, vampire hunter extraordinaire and star of the classic film "White Men Can't Jump" is not as tough when it comes to the I.R.S. He could face up to 40 years in jail for claiming more than 12 million dollars in refunds... yikes. Maybe he could find one of these to help him out. As a warning... if you're rich and black, the I.R.S. will get you. Its that simple.

So I saw the new Jay-Z video... and I've got to say, as with the song, I'm not impressed. And what's the deal with the Danica Patrick and Dale "I have
a 250 person capacity nightclub in my basement" Earnhardt cameos? Is that hip-hop? Maybe I just don't know. I keep hoping for something to grab onto when it comes to Jay... but I just can't, and it makes me sad. It really does.
However, what would make the video great would be spliced in footage from the "Rump Shaker" vid. Maybe even have the girl play that sax all sexy like just like in the original. "All I wanna do is zoom a zoom zoom zoom and a boom boom..."


Is this sounding a little trite to anyone else? Its like every week a rapper is either shot, or caught with unlicensed guns, or both. Let's get our stuff together folks. I wonder if he's got an album coming out soon...

On another note... at no point in my sports watching life have I ever heard of anything like this. A commentator mad that he can't join a 30 person brawl and saying as much on air. Lamar "So what if I beat up my fiance" Thomas (of the 'U' and former Dolphin) made these great comments during the Miami - FIU brawl bowl(video if you haven't seen it):
"Now, that's what I'm talking about. You come into our house, you should get your behind kicked. You don't come into the OB playing that stuff. You're across the ocean over there. You're across the city. You can't come over to our place talking noise like that. You'll get your butt beat. I was about to go down the elevator to get in that thing."
If that's not the most ignorant ridiculousness... then I don't know what is. He was really mad that he couldn't fight. I bet he was proud of the kid that was wielding his helmet like a battle axe. He was promptly fired.
The best (or worst) part of all this madness: The Miami Dade police brought over 700 kids to the game for their annual Join-a-Team, Not-a-Gang Program.
Talk about awkward... "Mommy, I decided I don't want to be a crip anymore, I wanna play for the 'U'!"
Yea... definite Poor Choices all around.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Stand Up and Wave...

Apparently not every country is quite as enamored with Jay-Z as we are. Jay's show in Shanghai has been cancelled by the Chinese Ministry of Culture (read: Big Brother) to protect against inappropriate lyrics. I don't know about this though... my guess is that they heard his leaked single (which someone may go to jail for) or something and just figured he has gone corny: Personally, "Stand up and wave.... and wave" just doesn't seem gangsta to me. Here's my question: am I supposed to do that in the club when I'm sitting and then this song comes on and causes me to rise? Or is this while I'm sitting at home or what? Perplexing I know.

I can't hate entirely on Jay though... he is making a visit to my country. Even though most Nigerians won't be able to afford to see him... but that's neither here nor there.

Jadakiss pleads not guilty to gun possession but admits to being a knucklehead.... sounds about right.

In other "hip-hop" news... Diddy is apparently using his iconic(?) hip-hop status to peddle wares for the fast food industry. This is also in addition to the soon to come "Diddy-TV" on Goo-Tube and the revelation(?) that he didn't write most of his older work. I wonder how many "have it your way" references are gonna be in his album. I say there should a gambling line put on this. I'd put the over/under at about 10.

And lastly, remember when Lawrence Phillips was just a football player and not a man that purposely drove a stolen car into a group of teenagers or dragged his girlfriend down a flight of stairs? No? Well he did play football at one point.
And I guess he can still play football... just that now it will be in jail. (Sounds like a movie just waiting to be made) Oh yea, and if you're interested in buying one of his Nebraska National Championship rings and have 20 bucks, its in a Vegas pawn shop. Poor Choices all around for that guy.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Sharing is... uh? What is sharing again?

In what has to be the worst timing ever, Terrell Owens has announced a children's book that he has coming out next month. (By the way, how great is that picture?) I'm not sure if the "suicide attempt/accidental overdose" was to draw publicity for his book... but I for one hope that it was. I think that would be the most brilliant marketing scheme to sell a book to kids ever. The only thing that could top that would be if he had R. Kelly produce a commercial for him... I mean I would ask my parents to get that for me if I was 3. As a matter of fact... I'm going to ask them to get it for me now. I really wanna see if Owens actually knows what sharing is...

If the Terrell's book tickles you're fancy... you might like these... just hilarious.

Are you serious Diddy? And people wonder why music sucks so bad... cause of stuff like this.

On another note... This is officially the last straw for New York. And people wonder why New York has fallen off when it comes to Hip-Hop. This is one half of the legendary Mobb Deep reduced to peddling himself on a site that may or may not be filled with mostly gay guys... And yo, you are a fairly big time performer, you should be able to pull girls left and right without posting in your 'about me' that you are: "down2 earth and very spontaneous." What a bama...
No one can convince me that New York will ever be back on top after this ridiculousness. They are sofTTTT... ("s-o-f capital T"). I was honestly at a loss for words... I mean, do I need to go back and listen to "The Infamous" again? I can' take your lyrics seriously after I see something like this. To be honest, I'm just confused, hurt, and a little sad... I'm sorry, I just feel cheated. Anyway... just a Poor Choice all around by Havoc and a slap in the face of the giant in Hip-Hop that New York used to be.


Oh yea... how bout them Yankees?

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Terrell, Terrell, Terrell.....

You know why I love football season? Besides actually having something to do during the day on Sundays, there is always some great drama. And we all know that the best drama involves large sweaty men all angry from steroids. Its basically like a giant soap opera for guys that also involves hitting, jock straps, and an oblong ball... Wait, did I just say that?

Let's look at this week for instance. There was a "catfight" (Haynesworth Face Stomp), there was the he said, she said (T.o. & McNabb debate over text messages), there was the weird (Dolemite Jenkins... Napoleon's Black cousin), and there was even the wild party where drunken decisions sure to be regretted later were made. (Pacman's Party)

We even had some relationships plagued with emotional problems: (From Mighty MJD)
"I'll go on record as saying that Terrell Owens vs. Pac Man Jones is the most emotionally unstable one-on-one matchup in NFL history. I'd have loved to hear their pre-game conversation:

Owens: Hey Pac, how you doin'?
Jones: Not too good, man.
Owens: Yeah, me neither."

As a sidenote: I actually got that party invitation above emailed to me less than hour after this email from a friend:
but uh…yeah they [T.O. and Pacman Jones] deserve each other. In fact I would throw Haynesworth in there with them. I’m convinced Pac-Man is an idiot. He doesn’t have anger management issues (Haynesworth) or deep-rooted psychological issues (Owens). I think Pac-man is truly just illogical.
Sounds about right to me... Where else do you get such emotional complexity besides a middle school or a telenovela?

I mean, what is there not to love? Football has everything one could ask for. And just wait until this Sunday. I hear that Philly fans have been working on a chant for T.O. that involves the letters O and D....

Does anyone else wonder how long it took them to come up with that? Do you think there was an Eagle Fan forum composed of 20 fat, sweaty men that spent hours locked in a poorly ventilated, underground room debating what would be the most effective way to get to T.O.'s psyche? Was it similar to the signing of the Declaration of Independence? I bet it was probably a little more intense... Hopefully the strain of remembering all the different letters doesn't get to them and they start chanting "T.D." whenever Owens has the ball... (Yea, yea... I know it's easy to pick on Eagles fans)

I wonder if they shouted "Terrell, Terrell, Terrell..." enough times would he cry like Darryl Strawberry on The Simpsons? I would pay money to see that...

Either way...I sure do miss the cleverness of Philly fans (
Who have the best "cheer" in football) now that I don't live there anymore...

"E-A-G-L-E-S. EAGLES!"... oh yea, that's a classic. It's no "Hail To the Redskins", but it's brevity has a quality all it's own.

Monday, October 02, 2006

Her London Bridge is Falling Down...


Just in case you were wondering or had any doubts...
Fergie sucks. You're shocked, I know.

As much as just being her not quite talented self should suffice as an argument, I'm prepared to offer more proof. In addition to spelling the name of her album wrong,
(Dutchess instead of Duchess) she may or may not pee on herself while performing, as evidenced by the picture. I know... I'm being mean, but she basically, unabashedly and single-handedly, ruined a pretty good group. And yes, I'm extremely bitter about it. So I'm gonna take whatever shots I feel like taking. "I don't know...I'm swinging wild." (American Dad)

Anyway... If you don't believe me about her poisoning the group, please check out pre-Fergie B.E.P. stuff. And I know that I won't listen to the album and give it a fair try, but I have good reasons. #1 being that she inspired a nation of middle school aged girls to sing about their "humps"... There really is nothing as disturbing as a chorus line of 12 yr olds extolling the values of their "humps"... gives me shivers just writing about it. Also, according to HipHopsite.com, after being asked why her album was not spelled correctly while on TRL, she responded with:
"Oh I don't know, I just... wanted to be different. I like to do my own thing, I guess."
Riiiiiiiight... that's exactly what it was. Not knowing to spell is somewhat different, I guess. I personally like to do my own thing and spell things correctly.... but that's just me.



What I'm Listening To:
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Sunday, October 01, 2006

Who Does That?

Apparently Albert Haynesworth does...

If you didn't see the Cowboys-Titans game, you missed some of the most repugnant, ridiculousness that I have ever seen in a football game. What Haynesworth did
(about 1:45 into the video) was on par with the Mike Tyson ear tasting... I mean, to kick a dude in the head while you're standing over him and THEN stomp his face, is signs that you have a serious problem, and that you may need medical attention. Maybe some shock therapy or a slight lobotomy, cause you're wiring is obviously screwed up. But I guess I shouldn't be too surprised... this is the same guy that almost ran a woman off the highway in his 26,000 lb truck. (I would fear for my life too)

Don't get me wrong, I've def wanted to stomp someone before, but I haven't, for various reasons.(I don't want to go to jail is tops on the list and I'm a half-way decent person depending on who you ask) But lets say, just for the sake of argument, that in a peyote induced stupor, that we are somehow able to excuse the initial kick to the head, as just slight anger... A slightly sane person would think that maybe one would be like "Oh snap... I just kicked him in the head while he was laying on the ground... maybe I should stop right here." But to come back again, this time stomping his face, after you kicked the helmet off his head is just dirty. I guess his don't kick defenseless people in the head and open a 30 stitch gash mechanism turned off. If he had done this outside of the football field, he would be in jail right now... watching his back for Adibisi and the like.

I think it goes without saying (but I'm still gonna say it), that this was a Poor Choice.

One last thing... If you have about 15 minutes to spare and want to hear the rant to end all rants and just the most insane radio broadcast that I've ever heard... check out this blog.